


Is it love? Or do I hate you?

by MasterTickleBack



Category: Boyfriend (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Immobility, Incest, M/M, Sibling Incest, Smut, Twincest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 02:20:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4589334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MasterTickleBack/pseuds/MasterTickleBack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I fell in love. Five years ago. I had no idea about what love was; much less did I know that this love wasn't normal. He did. Of course he did. Could it even be called love? I loved my brother. A lot. But never had I thought I would love him like</p><p> </p><p>THAT</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Five years ago. A warm Saturday morning in the spring. My left leg was outside the cover, the right tucked in nicely. The cover was sprained loosely over my body and only covered to my mid chest. With a lazy yawn I stretched and rubbed my eyes, I felt the crust and rest of sleep loosen under my fingertips before I dusted it onto the pillow without a care. I opened my eyes and turned my head just enough to look at my window. I looked through the small crack between the curtains and I saw the mist hanging heavily over the garden, just like sleep had fogged my mind.

 

I stretched once more and my cover slid down my body. It caused friction to a problem I urgently became very aware of. I placed my arm over my eyes while my other hand travelled downwards. Down to where it came in contact with the damp material of my boxers. I was rock-hard. Painfully hard. I wonder what I dreamt of that could create such a problem.

I lifted my hips off of the mattress and pulled my boxers down so they were placed on my mid-thighs. I wrapped my strong fingers around my heated flesh, bit my lip to stay quiet. I closed my eyes, willing my mind to return to the blissful state I was in before I woke up.  
My head tilted back against my pillow, my teeth biting harder into the soft skin making my lower lip as my hand started to stroke my cock.

Small grunts of pleasure left my lips with every other stroke. I was incredibly close considering I just woke up.

Focusing on returning to my dream I forced my mind backwards. A silhouette formed on my eyelids, slowly getting less blurry and more defined. I saw my owns features appear, except, my hair color was wrong. It was his. I was pounding into my own twin brother. I was dreaming of him.

"Ahhh!” Just as I thought his name I came the hardest I had ever done before. And I only stroked myself. I didn't do anything of what I usually need to do of twisting, pressing, thumbing etc to release. I panted heavily and I slowly opened my eyes and started at the ceiling. What was going on? I just came undone to the thought of my twin brother. I sighed deeply, disgusted with myself. But only half as disgusted as I was by the sticky substance between my fingers as well as on my bed sheets and abdomen. I released my slowly softening member and dried my hans in the bed sheets. I would have to clean them later anyways, they were already dirtied. Not only physically with cum, but they also witnessed the most sinful act I as a human could do. Maybe I should burn them for a good measure?  
I threw the cover to the side and I sat up; only to he met by a pair of very judgmental eyes.  
He couldn't know. Could he?

Now that I think of it, I did moan his name when I released. He must have heard. Shit. And the boxers down my thighs and cum-covered fingers didn't make the situation any better. I was disgusting. I was disgusted by myself. I wonder how he had reacted when he heard me moan his name? He will never speak to me again.

"I-I uh.."

"Shut up!" He growled. I closed my mouth instantly. What was he going to do? I could only hope for the worst. I deserved it. Every little bit of it.

I pulled my boxers up and covered my naked privates, picked up the bed sheets, pulled it off the cover and held it in my arms. I walked towards him. Only passing him. I couldn't look at him, I had sinned and he knew it, I couldn't just act like nothing. Bowing my head a silent apology, I passed him. I headed straight to the bathroom and started the washing machine with my boxers and bed sheets. I turned on the shower, first ice cold. I cleaned myself with scrub and loofa until my freezing blue skin was red as a pig, I turned on the heat to max, scolding my cooled skin, leaving it flaming red and painful. Perfect.

I exited the shower and looked into the mirror. I looked like a monstrosity. Just what I was. I looked into my eyes, searching my soul for any reason of this sickness. I found none. Maybe I was always sick so my eyes and soul didn't change? If that's so, my brother will hate me even more. I was such a disgrace to our otherwise perfect family.

My dad was working. He had a job that paid well and he was always home by dinner. He left late for work so he always brought us to school on his way.

My mom is staying at home. She likes painting a lot, so that's what she is doing when she isn't putting the house in order. Both me and my brother got straight Aes in school, and we had a great social life with friends we shared as well as out individual social group. All on all we seemed to be a perfect family.

I sighed heavily at my own reflection. I grabbed my towel and draped it over my head. I couldn't look at myself any longer.

I dried my hair whilst thinking of my brother. I would need to explain this to him sooner or later. For now I chose later. I need to think about this myself first. 

I got dried and dressed before I went downstairs. I assumed he wanted to wake me up for breakfast. As assumed my mom placed the basket with bread on the table just as I stepped inside and smiled at her. It was fake and it almost hurt to do. I saw him looking at me, of possible even more disgusted than before. My smile faltered when my eyes locked with his. I instantly looked down. The disgusting guilt. It was eating me up.

Our mother called for us to sit down and eat. The breakfast was oddly silent and of course our mother noticed.

"Youngmin? Kwangmin? Is there something wrong?" She asked concerned. Both me and him said nothing was wrong. Luckily. I can only imagine if he had said. 'Nothing else than I went to wake him up and I found him moaning my name with semen splattered all over himself.' What a way to wake up.

After the abnormally silent breakfast I cleaned the table as usual and headed for my room. I needed to sort out my thoughts completely before I talk to him.

Why did I think and dream of my own brother that way? How did I even dare? I sat on my bed with my legs crossed, my elbows on my knees and my chin in my palms. A heavy sigh left my lips as I thought back to the dream. How he had seduced me.

We had been watching TV when he had straddled me. There wasn't really anything new about that. We could be watching movies like that all the time, or he would rest his head in my lap. We always were close like that. The big difference were however he never faced me, he always had his back against my chest, not like I dreamt he did. He rested his head on my shoulder and gave me hug like never before. His arms draped over my shoulders in a sensual way. His fingers traced beautiful patterns on my shoulder blades. The hug so light his breath ghosted over the sensitive skin on my neck and sent shivers down my spine. I hugged him back and nuzzled my face into his neck. His breath hitched and he moved closer to me. It didn't bother me though. I had a crush on one of our classmates. That it was a girl is an important detail. I wasn't gay. He kissed my neck. Softly at first, and only a peck. I furrowed my brows but didn't question him or push him away. A peck to the neck wasn't bad. Was it? 

 

The peck escalated. He started to kiss me properly. His lips against the soft skin on my neck. He scooted forward on my thighs. His lips were replaced by his tongue, which was replaced by his teeth. He sucked, licked and bit into my neck drawing small moans after mewls out of me. I couldn't control myself. One last scoot and he was as close as I could have him without doing anything. I placed my hands on his ass and pulled him forward so he was pressed flush against my front. He rolled his hips. I don't know if it was to fix his pants or something, all I noticed was the friction it caused between our members. A beautiful friction. For the first time he moaned. A soft and angelic sound with a rough edge to it, sending vibrations through my neck.

Well you get my point. Everything escalated from there and it ended up with me fucking my beloved twin. 

I went through the dream in my head again. I thought of my morning. Of him seeing me masturbate while moaning his name. What could I possibly tell him that made this acceptable? There wasn't really anything. I sighed heavily and laid back onto the bed and closed my eyes. Maybe I thought better that way? I was willing to try everything.

I didn't get to any solutions. Instead I ran through the dream once again. Stupid decision. This time I actually grew hard again. I slid my hand into my pants and gently pulled by cock, hoping the hardness would go away, but no. It had to be worked out of my body. How I hated this.

I sighed heavily as I wrapped my entire hand around my hard cock for the second time that day. I bit into my lower lip once again to silence myself. I was too caught up in going through the dream again, to imagine his tightness around my full arousal to notice my door was opened. A low moan escaped my lips.

"Thinking of me again are you?" My twin startled me. I shot up in a sitting position on the bed and removed my hand from my pants. Unfortunately my problem was very obvious. I saw his eyes flickered down to take a look before his face scrunched up in disgust.

"Care to tell me what's going on?" He asked and looked me in the eyes. I could feel his burning gaze into the very core of my soul, but I couldn't look back. I was too ashamed of myself to look at him anymore. I was too disgusted with myself and I didn't need another look at his disgusted face to underline exactly what kind of monster I was.

"I-I... Listen. This is the first time this has ever happened okay? This was the first time for to think of you that way. I know you think I'm disgusting. There is no need to tell me again. I already hate myself more than enough for this without your help." I said while looking at the mattress between my legs.

"Tell me what you dreamt." He ordered. I shot my head up and looked at him in disbelief. He couldn't be curious could he?

"I-I..." I started but he cut me off with determined, disgusted and angry eyes.

"Tell me." He ordered once again and I took a deep breath to prepare myself for the humiliation.

"I was watching TV. You came and straddled me. Not like you usually did. But you faced me. You pecked my neck..." I felt his lips on my neck and his ass on my thighs.

"Like this?" He asked and looked into my eyes.

"Y-yeah. A-and then you scooted forward on my thighs slowly until you were almost there. Your pecks had turned into sucks, licks and occasional bites." I explained and he followed the actions I described. I grabbed his ass and pulled him closer to me. So close our cocks rubbed together. Much to my disappointment I was the only one of us who was hard. 

"And then?" He breathed into my ear.

"I-I removed your shirt." I said and let my hands wander up underneath the fabric of his t-shirt. His soft and flawless skin was burning underneath my fingertips. He took a sharp intake of breath. I used that moment to lift the shirt off of his body. I leaned back and admired his chest. Just like in the dream. It was like he had read my mind, he wrapped his fingers into my hair and pulled me close. I puckered my lips and wrapped them around his nipple and started to suck hungrily. He mewled softly above me, his fingers combing through my hair. He was panting and his hips made occasional rolls against mine, but he was never hard.

"What now?" He asked breathlessly between pants and looked down at me with dark eyes.

"We kiss." I said and connected out lips together in a perfect fit. It wasn't for fun they said that twins were each others' other half. We were a perfect fit. It wasn't a hard or hungry kiss. It was barely lips brushing against each other. It felt good nonetheless. I leaned up to capture his lips again. A tension had built between us, a tension that made both of us restrain ourselves so our lips only touched. It wasn't really a kiss as they only graced each other.

"You fucking disgusting fuck!" He pushed me back, got up from my lap, dashed out of the room, slamming the door behind him, leaving me completely dumbfounded.

"This wasn't a part of the dream." I mumbled to myself before I flopped back onto the bed and sighed heavily. I had no idea about what had just happened or why he did it.

 

I was still laying on my bed. I was still thinking. He had just left me like that. A raging boner in my pants and my hormones on the high drive. He was driving me insane. And it only just started today. I sighed and rubbed my face in disgust, frustration and self pity. My brother had just become the definition of evil in my head.

For the second time that day I started to finish myself to the thought of my brother using my hand. I used my hand eagerly, the dream and now the true feeling of having him like that. It had felt amazing, yet I was still disgusted by myself. How could I even allow him to it to me. How could he make himself do it? Wasn't he disgusted by himself? No. He was disgusted by me.

I rolled off my bed and headed to the bathroom still in orgasmic bliss. I cleaned my hand and I changed my underwear. Before I left I glanced into the mirror and studied my features. They were so like his. Was it a sign that I was in love with my self and not him? Maybe it wasn't even me on top of him? It could have been anyone. Nonsense. It was me. As disgusting as it was I would have to accept it. Or I should kill myself? I am only a disappointment to our family. Not only am I apparently gay, but I am gay for my own twin brother.

I left the bathroom, the disgust was eating me up. I walked to the kitchen to get some water. My mother was there already preparing delicious lunch. But my appetite was gone.

"Hi sweetie. What are you doing down here? Your brother is upstairs. Why don't you spend time with him?" She asked me when I flopped down on the couch, mindlessly sipping the water I had just gotten.

"I don't really feel like spending time with him today. And I think the feeling is mutual." I sighed and placed the glass down on the table. It took her around five seconds to drop everything in her hands until she sat on the couch next to me and the disgusting me in her arms in a warming hug. Unfortunately the hug was misplaced. She shouldn't waste a hug on me.

"Did you guys fight?" She asked worriedly as she ran her hand over my arm comfortingly.

"No. And just leave me alone. I don't deserve this. I am disgusting enough. I don't want to taint you too." I snapped at her. She didn't deserve it no. But I deserved her love much less. I squirmed out of her arms and made a dash for the stairs and sprinted into my room. I heard her footsteps come closer but luckily she went into his room instead. I sat down my desk and looked at an old picture of our family. The picture of a seemingly perfect family. I took it out of the old frame and placed the picture on the table. I found a lighter in the drawer and lit the side with me in it. Slowly I burned away. Once I was completely out of the picture I killed the flame and placed the picture back in the frame. I didn't deserve to be there next to the others.

I had sat in my room for 30 minutes when I decided I needed to go out somewhere. Anywhere. I just needed to go out. I picked up my jacket from my chair and went downstairs. My mother still hadn't returned from his room. I wonder what they were talking about. I wore my shoes when I heard footsteps on the stairs.

"Minnie! Wait for me." My brother called. He could even call me by our shared nickname. Instead of calling us individually our friends called us Minnies or Mins. We had adopted it to call for each other as well. He hurried to my side and wore his shoes and grabbed a random jacket from the hangers. Silently we left the house and walked randomly around the streets.

"Minnie? I really have to apologize for my behavior earlier. It's just..." He started to apologize. But he wasn't the one who was supposed to apologize for this. Not at all.

"No. I am the one to apologize. I can only imagine how disgusted you must be with me. I really hate myself for having these thoughts, for thinking like this, for the dream, for not pushing you away earlier. I am truly sorry." I apologized to him. I couldn't look at him. No matter what, I couldn't make myself do it. I didn't deserve to look at him and taint him. He didn't reply to it. Why should he?

We walked side by side in silence until we reached a park. We entered in silent agreement. Together we headed for the playground situated in the middle of the area. The swings were free so we took one each. We just sat there and rocked back and forth while looking at each other. We both had a foot on the ground and we just sat there in awkward silence.

"Why do you think of me that way?" He suddenly asked me. He surely was curious about my miseries. What should I tell him? It wasn't like I had had a lot of time to consider it in. I shrugged slowly and he shook his head dismissively.

"What are you thinking when you, you know? What makes you aroused? Why me?" He asked curiously. I understood his curiosity, but it was like he was obsessed with knowing the answers. I guess he could use the answers to get a hold of the girl he likes in the grade above us. I felt a pang of jealousy in my chest and took a deep breath.

"You look handsome, you are very nice to me. You treat everyone nicely. Your face when you are aroused. At least what you look like in my dream was extremely hot. I don't even know why I tell you this. It is disgusting." I sighed and stopped my rambling.

He reached over and placed a hand on my shoulder. I looked up only to see a pair of comforting eyes. Not him too. I shot up from the swing and sprinted out of the park. I didn't look back. I didn't want to see if he followed me or not. I didn't deserve his comfort. I couldn't take it.

I sprinted home, slammed the door open, kicked off my shoes and hurried upstairs. I ran into the bathroom, rummaged the drawers for anything. I found a lighter to light the scented candles in the window. Leaning back against the tiled wall I lifted the shirt and bared my stomach. I flicked on the lighter. I bit my lower lip and held my breath. The next breath I took smelled like burnt flesh and his shampoo.

I hissed loudly in pain. The stench from my burned flesh ripped in the inside of my nose. It hurt so badly. I refused to stop. I deserved this pain. I closed my eyes and bit into my lip again. This time I aimed lower. I could feel how the heat from the flame started to melt, curl and burn my pubic hairs. I took one last deep breath to the smell of burned hair and burned myself just above the base of my cock. I cried out in pain. The door slammed opened and revealed my messy brother, panting like he had ran a marathon.

 

"You stupid fool!" He shouted at me before he picked me up and kicked the lighter under the bathtub. I didn't care about the pain anymore. The fact that my brother still cared about me after all I had told him, made him do. It made me feel even worse. I reached into my pants and below my boxers. On purpose I placed my lower arm on top of the burned patch of skin before I dug my long nails into the sensitive skin on my inner thighs. I screamed out in pain once more. This time he removed my hand from my pants and carried me into my room.

He placed me on the bed gently before he stood up and looked at me. Disapproval was obvious in his dark orbs.

"Why would you do that?" He asked with worry in his voice. I couldn't look at him. I didn't deserve his care, worry or love.

"I just felt like it." I said and I heard him snort.

"You don't just go burn your stomach or your dick because you felt like it." He sighed.

"But there is no other reason." I mumbled and looked out my window instead of looking at him.

"Stop lying. I am sure you feel disappointed in yourself. You hate yourself. You are disgusted by yourself. You truly believe I am disgusted by you too. You don't think you are worthy of love or pity. You just want to be gone from this world." He said. With every statement he made I winched. It was hurting me how right he was. Everything was right to the center. Spot on.

"You don't have to say anything. Just nod or shake your head to show if I am right." He said softly as he brushed a hair out of my face. I didn't trust my voice so I nodded instead. I felt disgusting tears come to my eyes. How could he touch me? I would taint him like that. I couldn't let that happened. I turned my face away from him in desperation.

"Don't touch me. I am disgusting. I am a disease." I croaked out. He quickly removed his hand from me. I knew it. He found me disgusting.

"You're right. You are disgusting. A disease even. You are one big disgrace to this family!" He spat the words like venom, turned on his heels and left my room with a slam of the door. I heard it. My own brother finally told me what he thought about me. It hurt like hell, but it was deserved. There was no lie in what he said.

I rolled onto my side and stared at the closed door. The tears streamed down my cheeks. I sobbed heavily and blinked rapidly to get rid of my tears. But they wouldn't stop.

I cried. I cried for hours. My mother called me down for lunch, but I wouldn't have it. I didn't deserve to eat from their kitchen. Much less food formed by her glorious and innocent hands. My stomach grumbled, but I ignored it.

When I finally stopped crying, no one had been there to see me or check on me. I am sure he had told our parents about the disgrace I was and they didn't want anything to do with me anymore. I stood up and walked to my closet.

I opened the top drawer and took out a belt. I was going to need this. I tied it around my waist, grabbed a bag and stuffed my notebook into it together with a pen. I stood up and left the room, taking one last look at it.

I left the house unnoticed and headed straight to the park where I had been with my twin earlier. I had confessed my sin here. I could do it again. I sat down on the swing and took out my notebook. I wrote the date in the top right corner and started to write:

Dear Mom and Dad,  
and most importantly my beloved twin.

I am sorry I couldn't say this to you.  
I feel too disgusted with myself to even be in the same house as you.  
I don't deserve your love.

I am sure my other half has already told you what is going on, so I will make it short.  
I am in love with him.  
Not only as a brother.  
I am gay.  
I am gay for him.  
And it disgusts me to no end.  
I will see you three on the other side.  
Please forgive me for my sin.

Love from  
The bad half of your sons.

I stuck the note through my belt. I got off from the swing and started walking. I stopped by a tree. It was tall enough. I climbed up, took off my belt and tied it to a branch. I sat down next to it and mentally prepared myself. After thinking the last disgusting thoughts about myself I leaned backwards.

I fell.


	2. Chapter 2

I heard a loud crack. My head turned in a wrong angle. Very wrong. It hurt through my entire body. I had hit the ground with my head first. Everything went black.

The sound of rhythmical beeps sounded from machines surrounding me. As I became more aware of them, they turned more erratic. I slowly opened my eyes and stared up at a ceiling. I looked closer. It was my own. But the distinct beeping made me think of a hospital. I noticed a violent sob coming from my right. I tried to turn my head, but it wouldn't budge. I wanted to speak, but nothing. I was blinking and stared at everything I could see from my immobile position.

"Oh my god! You're awake!" My mother screamed. I felt like flinching, but not a muscle in my face moved. Just with the exception, I blinked. She came to the edge of my bed and carefully stroked my cheek. I couldn't feel it though.

"What did you do to yourself?" She sobbed and looked at me with pity and worry. Not exactly what I needed. I needed her to hate me. She couldn't still love me or care for me. I wasn't worth it. I willed a sound out but it wasn't more than low rumbling from the back of my throat.

"Oh Minnie. Why did you do it? Your poor twin is devastated. He has been crying for days. Ever since he found you when you hadn't returned for dinner." She sobbed. He had been crying over me? He shouldn't. I am causing more harm than good. I am such a selfish monster to be alive. First I disgust my own brother, then I make him cry over me. I made another sound. I really wanted to know what had happened to my body since I couldn't move. She seemed to get the hint.

"You broke you spine." She choked out, new and bigger tears came to her eyes. I hurt so many. I deserved to die. I deserved to die so badly. And now one of them had to stay back all the time because I couldn't move. I was helpless.

"I-I will go get the others. They want to hear you're awake as well." She choked out between sobs. She left me alone in my room to drown in my misery. I shortly after heard rushed footsteps in the hallway. My twin burst through the door and looked at me, immediately focusing on my eyes. I saw he had red and puffy eyes, his face swollen. He had dark bags under his eyes. He leaned down and hugged me tightly. I knew it was tightly. I could see him straining him completely to give me the tightest hug he could muster. I just couldn't move. I was immobile. The only thing I could move was my eyes.

"Y-you stupid fool." He whispered to me before he let me go. Fresh tears were to be seen in his eyes.

"W-why did you hurt yourself?" He asked me softly. He looked down to hide his tears, but his voice cracked. There was nothing he could do to hide it. I wanted to answer, but all I could muster was a low rumble once again.

My father appeared shortly after and smiled at me.

"My son. You are back with us." He said and gave me a gentle hug. I tried to lift my arms to hug him back, but I knew I couldn't. I had to try though.

They sat with me and watched me, made sure I was really awake. My mother and twin occasionally sobbing. My parents left me and my twin alone. As soon as the door was closed he sat down on the edge of my bed. I could sense he was nervous. He fumbled with his fingers and he wouldn't look directly at me. He reached into his pocket after several minutes of silence. He pulled out a crumbled piece of paper and placed it on top of my covers. He climbed further op the bed and helped get into a sitting position where I could see more.

"Look what I found." He whispered and motioned to the paper on the cover. It was the letter I had written to them. I looked up at him and found him looking back at me.

"I haven't told them. It will be our secret. Don't do anything stupid again." He told me. I really wanted to snort at him at that moment. How could I even do anything when I only could move my eyes.

He removed my covers and placed them over the chair where my mom had sat earlier. He placed a hand on my shoulder. I could watch him caress the skin there. I couldn't feel it though. It was nice to know he cared. Even though he was the last one who should. His hand went down my arms. I could only watch him. They returned to my shoulders and travelled down my chest and my sides gently. I kept watching him. He didn't watch what he was doing. His eyes were glued on my face. He was looking for some kind of reaction. His hand wandered over my stomach and around my waist. His hands went to my abdomen and to my thighs. They roamed the front and back. I watched him carefully. I couldn't feel him. No matter where he touched, I couldn't feel it.

Once he had touched me everywhere he dared touch, he flopped back with a sad expression. I looked at him with sad and apologetic eyes. There were so much I wanted to apologize for, but I couldn't form a single word.

"Time. The doctors said time." He mumbled to himself before he laid down next to me and held me in his arms. He snuggled close and placed his head on my chest and listened to the heartbeat. Like that he fell asleep on me. I have no idea about how long it took, but I fell asleep like that too.

Fuck he feels so good. Oh god. Just like that. Yees. Oh my god. Don't stop. Miiin! I'm so close. Fuck fuck fuck fuck!

My eyes flew open. I could feel myself panting. I couldn't feel my body. But I could have sworn I felt an orgasm roll over me. I looked around the room. There was no one. Fuck it felt so real. But I couldn't feel my body. It must have been a dream. A dream where my brother gave me a blowjob. I shamelessly kept dreaming about him that way. How disgusting could I be?

I remembered. He fell asleep resting on my chest. FUCK! He must have woken up by my changed breathing. Shit. Even when he is near I dream of him in that way. I am so disgusting. I am sick. I don't deserve to live.

I have scared him away with my actions. He will never come to see me again. Ever. I screwed up. Big time. Why couldn't I just kill my hormones towards my twin and be the son my parents deserved? And the brother that he deserved.

I could hear the door open, but I couldn't see who entered.

"Hi Minnie. It is time for you to get cleaned." It was my twin's voice and I heard light clashing of water against the sides of a plastic container. No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no. Not that no. He couldn't be washing me. No one was going to clean me now. I just had an orgasm into my boxers or something. That would be too humiliating. Even for me. Especially when he knew what had been going on. I tried to say something, but it only came out as a rumble again. I could do nothing to stop him. I was sure I was as red as a tomato. I averted my eyes from him. If I could I had hid my face in the pillow instantly and refused to be cleaned.

He removed the cover gently and made sure he didn't pull in any of the wires that stuck to my skin or was fastened with needles. He lifted up my shirt and started to clean my chest with the cloth he had brought and the warm water. He washed my chest and stomach, but I didn't feel it. For now I would just let him do. I couldn't stop him now anyways. But if I waited and willed him to stop later, then he might not touch me there.

He washed my arms and washed my chest again. He started to wash my armpits. I guess that was a good idea. Otherwise I would smell like a dead bull in a day. He went over my chest once again and over my sides to my stomach. He washed my legs thoroughly and my feet. He then reached for my boxers and I panicked. He couldn't. I tried to talk, yell, scream, anything. But again it was only a low grumbling.

He pulled down my boxers and I looked down. I couldn't help it. I needed to see what I should try to defend despite I couldn't utter a word. My boxers reached my knees. My eyes widened. There was nothing. No cum or anything. I blinked a few times and didn't get it. I could have sworn I was hit by an orgasm just before I woke up. It didn't make sense. Okay maybe it was just a dream but still. It seemed so life like. It had felt too real. Maybe I felt things differently now that I couldn't feel?

I gasped and my eyes returned to his hands. The cloth was on my naked crotch. And I could feel it. Every single fiber of it touching and caressing my overly sensitive cock. It was obvious. I had released within the last hour. I was still extremely sensitive, but I hadn't shot it. Had I had a dry orgasm? I must have. There was no other explanation. But the biggest surprise was. I could feel. I could feel his touches to my crotch. And oh god his hand. Stroking me. He was pleasuring me. He was torturing me. It was sweet torture. I started to pant softly as he pulled back the foreskin and cleaned the head. It felt sinfully good. I moaned. I couldn't stop it. I had no control over anything but my eyes.

He moved lower and cleaned my testicles and further back to my hole. I took a sharp intake of breath when he grazed the ring. Shit it felt good. I heard him chuckle and I looked down. I had grown hard and he was staring at it. Fucking shit.

"I see you like it." He commented slyly and placed the cloth over my full erection. He pulled lightly at the corners making the fibers of the cloth slide into my slit and I moaned again. He smirked and wrapped his fingers around me and stroked me.

"I guess I will help you this time." He said and stroked me faster. Oh god it felt amazing. Shit he was good at that. He smirked wider the more I panted. I wanted to fist the bed sheets, curl my toes and arch off of the bed, but I couldn't instead I panted heavier and my eyes rolled to the back of my head.

"Shit you look hot like this Minnie." He mumbled and it got me even more aroused. Shit it feels good. It didn't take him long with the fibers of the cloth, his hand and words to make me cum. He cleaned me once again and dropped the cloth in the water. He sat on the edge of the bed and leaned down to kiss my forehead.

"At least there is hope you can feel again." He smiled before he stood up and left me dumbfounded. Hope for me? I don't see how me being able to feel my cock will give me any hope. I would actually prefer not to be able to feel it, because now I am sure I will feel horny all the time. 

The door opened again later and my mom entered.

"Hi MinMin. I'm here to change your food." She smiled and carried a plastic container towards one of the machines that were attached to my stomach. She turned, what I believe was a stopper and removed the old container and replaced it with the new one.

"How are you feeling today?" She asked. I rumbled in the back of my throat. To be honest I felt extremely good. But I had cummed twice today. Probably one of them dry, but I had two orgasms today, and my brother helped me with one. To say it the least, I was on the pink cloud. I couldn't help it. Who wouldn't be when the love of their life had just cleaned them and given them a handjob?

"You seem happy. Your face is glowing." She commented and I blushed. She could see something had happened. Damn it.

She left shortly after. Which I was kinda thankful for.

I thought back to the handjob my brother had given me. And the dream. I was pretty sure I had had an orgasm when I woke up, but there was no trace of it in my boxers. That wasn't supposed to be possible. And how dared he even touch me like that when I couldn't defend myself or tell him to stop. How dared he even.

Something didn't make sense. Why would he pleasure me like that when he thought it was disgusting. I mean. He had just screamed at me like crazy before. And he was only kissing my neck back then. How could he do this now then?

I thought back and forth about it until I fell asleep out of boredom. I mean, I couldn't even do anything. I couldn't speak. I couldn't move, I couldn't do anything. I could only wait for someone to come and entertain me. Luckily my twin thought that should be him. He climbed into the bed with me and snuggled against my side. I still needed to thank him for the favor he gave me earlier. But that was quite hard to do too when you couldn't move.

He looked up at me and I saw the perfect reflection of myself. Or almost. His hair was different and his eyes a little more soft. Mine were hard and filled with guilt. Of course his would be softer. He didn't beat himself up with every thought getting to him.

"You're are bored. Let's do something together?" He suddenly spoke up after several minutes of silence where he looked at me, and me at him. I wanted to nod, but I couldn't. I settled with making an approving sound in my throat instead. He smiled at me and kissed my cheek before pulling back.

"Appa picked up a wheel chair for you today. We can go for a walk if you want to." He said and smiled. The smile quickly turned into a grin as he looked at my eyes. I guess they changed and showed how happy I was to be able to get out of this hell hole.

"Then I will just get Appa so he can help carrying you downstairs." He chuckled and patted my thigh before he walked out of my room. My world had just become a whole lot better than it was 30 minutes ago. I was actually able to get outside? To feel... Well sense the wind on my face. I could hear the birds chirping closer to me. And wow I couldn't wait to get outside. And my twin even volunteered to bring me. This was the best day since I dreamt of him.

Our dad came and carried me downstairs and placed me in the wheelchair he had picked up. Right behind ran my brother and held the bags and important machines that had to follow me. My dad strapped me in and made sure medical things were placed right and still stuck to my body before he arranged it on a holder by my right shoulder. My twin started to push me through the door and outside.

I could see my hair blow in the wind, I could hear the birds sing but nothing was the same as before. I couldn't feel the wind on my face and it sucked. I missed the feeling. I leaned back in the wheel chair and I tried to smile, but the trip was disappointing. Like everything else about me and what I did.

Apparently my brother noticed my mood drop, because I soon after saw the tip of two of his fingers next to my eye as he brushed my cheek. I smiled a little wider and took a deep breath. I couldn't even taste the fresh air.

He stopped the wheel chair and secured the breaks before he went in front of me, he crouched down in front of me and smiled up at me.

"Minnie? I know this is hard for you. I know you can't feel. I know you want to feel the wind on your face, the wind in your hair and most of all, you want to be able to feel the nature around you. But you can't right now. That is unfortunate, but we can't do anything about it right now. We can only wait and hope you will get your senses back." He explained to me as his thumbs caressed the inner part of my knees. What a shame I couldn't feel it. I rumbled in the back of my throat to tell him it was alright.

"Listen Minnie. We need a way to communicate. And since you only can you your eyes, what about you look to the left when you say 'yes' and to the right when you say 'no'?" He suggested. That kid isn't as stupid as he seems. I quickly looked to the left. He chuckled and damn that sounded like a symphony to my ears.

He went behind me again and unsecured the breaks before he started to push me towards the park. Luckily not the same park where I tried to kill myself, but another one. He rolled me next to a bench and he sat down next to me.

"Is it nice to be outside again?" He asked genuinely concerned about me. I looked to the left. He chuckled lightly before he continued.

"It is somehow nice you can't speak anymore. You would always overpower me with your words before." He said with a sad smile. I felt a tug at my heart. Or so it felt like at least. I never knew he felt that way with me.

"So somehow my life became easier." He muttered and stood up. He stood with the back of his knees against my thighs and looked down at me.

"Can I?" He asked and motioned to my thighs. I looked to the left in reply and he sat down on them sideways. Gently he placed his arms around my neck and soon I heard small sobs coming from him. I felt like crying too. I felt like comforting him, somehow I just needed to do something. Giving him a hug was the thing I wanted the most right then.

He slowly calmed down as he sobbed against my neck, draped over my thighs. If it wasn't for his ugly sobbing in my ears and snot out of his nose, It would have been the most romantic and lovely way of having him. Having him in my lap and pressed against my body.  
I wanted to stroke his hair, stroke his back, hug him closely and give him a long tender kiss. The last act was the only inappropriate one. He pulled back from me. He could probably read my mind. Fucking twin telepathy. He probably thinks im disgusting for thinking this.

Much to my surprise he turned around so his back was pressed against my chest. He reached down and took my hands, lifting them up so I was hugging his waist. He looked over his shoulder and looked at me with a smile. He wasn't disgusted? Oh how badly I wanted to smile back and tell him it was alright.

This much was more than I deserved. My super gorgeous twin was in my lap, holding my hands up so I could hug him. He smiled brighter. Why? I had no idea. He released my hands and placed them down comfortably again. He then turned around so he was straddling my thighs. He cupped my cheeks with his probably warm hands and leaned in. He stopped about an inch before our lips connected and I stared into his eyes looking for any clue as to what was going on.

"Can I?" he whispered and his breath mingled with mine. I couldn't taste him though, I looked to the left.

"Are you sure?" he asked and my eyes flicked to the left once more. With that I closed my eyes and waited for the kiss. I couldn't feel anything. Frustratingly I opened my eyes and was met by his closed eyes. They were definitely closer than what was necessary for a kiss. I was being kissed by my twin. This would have to be the best day of my life, despite the fact that I couldn't feel it. He broke the kiss and pulled back. I wanted to pout but couldn't. I wanted so much more than that.

"Minnie? Is it alright if I use my tongue?" he asked me, what a stupid question. I looked him in the eyes, then to the left, back at him and to the left again. He smiled and kissed me again. I assumed he had inserted his tongue to my mouth so I closed my eyes and tried to enjoy the fact alone. But its hard to enjoy a kiss you can't feel at all. He kept kissing me. I could only imagine how he was playing with my unresponsive tongue and how annoying it must have felt. I gasped. He immediately broke the kiss and looked at me worriedly, "Did I do something wrong?" Right.

"Did it hurt?" Right.

"What's wrong?" Are you kidding me? I can't answer that.

"Did you feel it?" LEFT! His eyes widened and he smiled at me, "You could feel the kiss?" Both left and right.

"You felt one spot?" Left. He smiled more and brightly, his teeth showing, even a bit of gums somewhere. He leaned close again.

"Can I?" Left, left, left! God damn it just fucking kiss me. Our lips connected again, his tongue in my mouth. He kept massaging that single spot. I could feel him kissing me!

"Oh god! Yes! Right there! Oh my! You fuck me so good!" He had raised my knees to my chest. His dick was sliding in and out of me showing my ass no mercy. But he hit that single spot too precise. He leaned down and kissed me with unknown ferocity. I felt our teeth clashing together our tongues wrestling in an endless battle.

His hips snapped forward and his dick drilled further into me. It was amazing. The precise and hard thrusts sent me screaming his name. I clung to his shoulders and dug my nails into his heated skin. It was hard enough to form crescents.

He moaned into my mouth and I clenched around him to give him more pleasure with the tightness. He groaned and cursed my name. Beautiful sounds.

He flipped us over so I was riding him. I raised with help from his hands and I slammed back down, surrendering to the force of gravity, feeling him hit a spot, slightly further inside.

"Oh god YES!" I screamed out. He chanted my name like it was the last thing he would see before he would die. Well he would die a little death. As the French call an orgasm. And I would 'kill' him. He would be at my mercy. I was having sex with my brother; bouncing in his lap and riding further towards his grave.

"SHIT MINNIE!" I moaned out and collapsed on top of him, exhausted. He flipped us again and I was on my back moaning for more, clinging to his shoulders again, and he filled me up and left me empty repeatedly.

He pulled all the way out and penetrated me again. It felt amazing. He was amazing. He was a sex-god. Nothing else could describe him properly.

He stole my breath again. His lips on mine. His fingers were digging into my hips. I would definitely have bruises there tomorrow. What a luck I could hide them from our parents.

"Fuck you're so tight baby." Yes talk dirty to me. I need you to talk dirty to me.

"Baby! FUCK! Right there. No slightly more down. ARGH! Right there! GOD!" I directed him. My orgasm was within reach. He could feel it and he wrapped his hand around my dick

"Cum for me Minnie" My eyes flew open. I blinked rapidly. I could feel him. Inside me. His hand around my cock. How could he?! I WAS ASLEEP AND HE DECIDED TO FUCK ME WITHOUT MY CONSENT! I turned my eyes to the right and turned soft in his hand. This scared me. How could he molest me like this?

And the day I dreamt I came when he gave me a blowjob.....I did hear steps outside. And I was sure I had cummed, but there was no sign. He was willingly giving me a handjob later. He had sucked me off.

He had molested me. He had taken my virginity without me saying he could. He....raped me.

I couldn't sleep. I hadn't slept in days. I couldn't make myself. One time I had closed my eyes, I saw him there. I saw him pounding into me like I was some sort of doll for his pleasure. I couldn't tell anyone.

And if I could who would believe a paralyzed person that his own twin brother had raped him in his sleep? And no one but him knew I could feel anything in that area.

And because of our age and close relationship, my mom informed me he was going to do everything intimate with me. He was the one who was going to dress me, bath me. Then I wouldn't feel awkward by having her or my dad washing me. I wanted to scream in protest but I couldn't. I just had to accept my brother, my rapist brother, was going to do everything intimate with me.

I looked at the tiles on the ceiling and once again I counted all twenty six of them. My eyes were dropping but I wouldn't let myself sleep. I couldn't. He would rape me again. I trusted him, once. I don't anymore.

I heard the door open. My eyes flickered to the door immediately. It was him. My worst nightmare.

"Hi Minnie" Oh don't you 'Minnie' me. You are no longer entitled to call me that anymore.

"Umma told me to entertain you while they went shopping." My eyes widened in fear. He had his chance to fuck and rape me again before they came back. Fuck my life. NO! NOT LITERALLY! JEEZ!

"I came to apologize." You what?! I would have raised an eyebrow if I could. That isn't gonna work. Monster.

"I came to say I am sorry for having sex with you while you slept. I know it is rape. But you looked so peaceful. So innocent and so...delicious as you lay there. I couldn't help it. I know how you feel about me. Or felt that is. I probably ruined it by my actions. But I have been too disgusted with myself to do anything about my feelings. And you being paralyzed only made my feelings stronger. Because now you need me."

No hell to the no. I don't need you. I would rather the Ahjumma next door washed me than you. And I felt disgusted about myself before. But that is nothing compared to now. I would willingly had given you whatever you wanted if I had been awake, but instead you raped me and took something precious from me. You made me feel dirty all the time. This dirt I can't wash off again. Get out of here you stupid idiot.

"I hate that I did it to you, you obviously didn't approve of it. I am sorry I abused you." He finished off and leaned forward. He wanted to kiss him. I looked to the right; away from him. Right meant no. Right meant he should stop. I didn't want it. I didn't need him to kiss me. I didn't need him to touch me. I needed him to stay away. Yet; he kissed me. His tongue brushing against that one spot I could feel. I hated it. I could almost taste him and it wasn't pleasant. Not at all. It was actually rather disgusting.

I wanted to push him away and run out the room. But I couldn't. He pulled back and smiled down at me.

"I love you Minnie" He confessed. A week ago that would have made me the happiest boy alive, but today it disgusted me. I felt like puking. I just couldn't.

He let his hand travel down my body. He felt my arms, chest, sides, my legs and further down to my feet. He felt my legs back up to my middle section. If he touched me there I would kill him. Somehow I would. Choke him on my cock if he ever decided to give me blowjob again. I would do something.

He kissed my jaw, I couldn't close my eyes. I wanted to make sure he didn't go further. Even though I couldn't feel him, I still felt the burning sensation of disgust. 

He pulled up my shirt and kissed my chest. He sucked a bit and bit into my flesh too. He was making love bites?! FUCK NO!

He placed a hand on my crotch. He looked up at me and I looked to the right. He squeezed me and raised his free hand. The next thing I knew, all air left my lungs and everything went black.


	3. Chapter 3

I woke up, panting. I'm sure sweat would have been on my forehead, or well...everywhere on my body.

My eyes were wide open. Scanning. Left to right. I listened carefully. No sign of breathing besides my own ragged one. Thank whatever god is real.

I felt my body. Even though I couldn't feel it. It still felt sore and exhausted. Like it had been beaten like a piece of meat and then dragged through a nightmare.

I thought back. That's exactly what had happened. He had entered my room and kissed and fondled me. Only to hit me so hard I blacked out. Right then, I was dragged through a nightmare too.

I was facing an army of my twin. I was tied to some kind of robotic machine so they all could have their way with me. A week ago I might have found that dream thrilling, interesting and exciting. Call me kinky if you want to. But now; it was downright disturbing.

I heard steps on the stairs outside my room. My pupils dilated with fear and my breath hitched. It couldn't be my brother. I wasn't ready to face him yet. Might never be.

"Hi Minnie." Thank god it was my mom. I looked over at her and attempted to smile, of course I failed miserably. She smiled warmly at me though, and weight lifted off my chest. Obviously she didn't know what Minnie had done to me. I hadn't been bathed since it happened.

"I've talked to your brother, Sweetie." She started as she sat down on the side of my bed. Gently she patted my chest. Never had I hated having no sense of my nerves as much as that time. If she could just see me wince or just something, she would stop him from hurting me.

"He agreed to be the one to take care of your more intimate needs." She said. I freaked out. I did not need my brother to have permission to masturbate me. No fucking way. "Such as showering and getting dressed." She added. I could barely breathe from the feeling of relief washing over me. But still. NO WAY! He can't be the only one dressing me and bathing me. No one will ever know. "I think because you are so close of age, it won't be as awkward as if it had been me." She added. I mentally screamed at her. I would have preferred the Ahjumma from next door to bathe me over my twin. 

She left shortly after that and I sunk back into my miseries. A new set of footsteps was heard on the stairs. And this time it was my brother. No doubt about it. The door opened and my identical twin entered the room. He knelt on the floor next to my bed and started apologizing. Just like before he hit me. This time though he didn't.

He stood up and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead and then on my lips. Disgusting.

"Your school starts tomorrow and I'm gonna bring you. I will protect you. I promise." He said. Can you protect me from yourself?

I woke. First day of school since the accident. An entire day in a wheelchair, unable to move. My brother came and removed the cover from my body. I was completely exposed to that evil bastard. He got a washing cloth and washed me off and pecked my lips. Disgusting. 

"You look exceptionally beautiful today." He said and I felt like puking. But of course I couldn't. Just my luck. He was too much. Finally he finished and got me dressed. A lot of weight disappeared from my shoulders at that moment. I wasn't exposed for him anymore.

He got me in the wheel chair and pushed me into the kitchen. Not that I was getting something to eat. I always got something to eat through a tube so I didn't need to eat. Not that I had any chance to eat anyways. I couldn't chew. Much less swallow.

Silently I sat in my wheel chair and watched my brother eat his freshly baked buns from the morning with brown sugar. My sweet addiction. But now I couldn't have it and I felt like he was rubbing it in my face. 

Once he finished, he placed his plate in the sink and returned to me. I followed him cautiously with with my eyes. I still didn't trust him.

"Time to get dressed MinMin." He announced and used a new nickname. Disgusting. He rolled the wheelchair to a room where I couldn't be seen from the street and he got my school uniform. He dressed me, with surprisingly slow, tender and caring movements. But I wasn't fooled. I wouldn't let him take my guards down. Once I was dressed he payed extra attention to my tie which he placed neatly on my chest before he leaned down and kissed my cheek. Nothing new about it, but the way he did it was different.

"Time for school Minnie~" He announced and placed my schoolbag on the back of my wheelchair before he started to push me towards the school.

I wanted to smile when I rolled onto school's grounds and saw my friends coming running towards them. Now that I thought about it... None of them had come to visit me while I was on the bed. Why did they seem so happy to see me now?

"You look amazing today compared to how your bro over there explained you to be yesterday." Hyunseong said and I would have raised a brow. My brother awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck in the corner of my eyes.

"He had a bad day yesterday." He said, his voice a tad more squeaky than usual. He was lying. I had a fantastic day.

Minwoo was pushing me around in school, but Minnie had only allowed it if he could get to watch out he was doing it good enough.

I rolled my eyes at him. That was the only thing I could do. Not only did he lie to my friends about how I felt, but he wouldn’t leave me alone in school either.

“Minnie?” Jeongmin asked and looked at me. I locked eyes with him, showing him he had my attention. “Are you sure you don’t feel anything? Nowhere at all?” He asked and I looked to the side meaning no. I couldn’t tell him I could feel it when my brother kissed me. And he better not say it either.

“How do you handle classes? I mean, you can’t take notes or anything?” Donghyun pointed out and I could only agree. I couldn’t take notes. “I take them for him.” Minnie’s voice sounded from behind me and I would have jumped away – if I could.

“Wow. That’s really nice of you.” No it isn’t. “You must really love your brother.” No he doesn’t. “Yes,” NO! “I love him very much.” He said and I could see he placed a hand on my shoulder. No you fucking don’t! You love my ass you fucking dimwit.

“Well, classes are about to start. See you the break?” Hyunseong asked and Minnie agreed. Finally I can see my friends again.

“Just before class…can we come over today? We want to spend some time with him.” Minwoo asked my brother. YES! “No.” What? “Why not? We miss him!” Yes, I miss you too. “He will be too tired after school.” No! “Maybe another day?” No today! “Maybe.” No now!

“Welcome back.” Miss Kim greeted me when my brother pushed me into the classroom. I would have smiled, ran up to her and begged her to take me away from my twin. In return I only drooled and gave her an empty stare. I was really charming there. Yes.

He pushed me to my usual seat only the chair had been replaced with nothingness. He pushed the wheelchair to the table and secured the breaks so I wouldn’t start rolling away. 

“Minnie?” My best friend asked. He was sitting next to me. It was nice to see him again. It had been a while. In all honesty I was disappointed that he hadn’t contacted me while I was laying in bed. But then again, it seemed like my twin had something to say in that matter.

“How are you feeling?” He asked. Honestly I wanted to slap his forehead and give him a look that said ‘are you fucking kidding me’. But alias I couldn’t move, I could only give him my usual drooling stone face. 

“Right. Stupid question. Are you feeling alright?” It seemed he caught on to my stone face. I looked to the right.

“Yo! Minnie? What does it mean when he looks to the right?” Minwoo called out to my brother.

“What did you ask?”

“If he is feeling alright!”

“Right means yes.” Fucker. Liar. Monster. Rapist. I felt like screaming. I couldn’t tell my best friend shit now. Wait, I could just look the other way.

“That’s good to hear. Can you feel anything?” Left.

“No? Man that sucks.” Right.

“Is Minnie much help?” Left. His eyes widened and he glanced over my shoulder to look at my twin.

“He’s not?” Left.

“Did he hurt you?” Right. He paled. I had told someone. I needed someone to know. I could hear my blood rushing in my ears. My heart was probably racing a mile per hour. 

“Class is about to start. I’ll talk to you when class is over okay?” Right. Just then Miss Kim started the class and I listened to everything as Minwoo took notes for the both of us. But I wasn’t really listening. Not really at least. I was too busy trying to figure out how I could tell Minwoo what was going on. After all, I had to tell him about my previous love for my brother.

The bell sounded all too soon. I wasn’t prepared to tell Minwoo yet. I didn’t even know how to tell him. Surely playing guess what I’m thinking won’t do much. I highly doubted Minwoo at any point would guess that I once was in love with my brother and now he was sexually abusing me. I wasn’t that dumb. Papers scattered around me as my classmates packed up their things. Minwoo kept sending me worried glances as he made quick work of his notes and book before he shoved them in his bag. Before most of the students had even stood up to leave, Minwoo was wheeling me out of the room towards our small sanctuary at the outskirts of the school grounds away from my twin.   
“Minnie…” He started softly. I know he was worried for me. I was too. “What is going on?” He asked and I really wanted to hit him as he crouched down in front of me. But I guess it took a while to get used to the fact I didn’t answer. I showed him by rolling my eyes.  
“Right…yeah. Sorry, I’m really trying to remember that.” He muttered embarrassedly. I tried to smile but I know nothing happened. How it pained me not being able to communicate properly.  
“So…” He said and rubbed the back of his neck. “…I guess I have to guess what’s wrong.” He asked and I looked to the right. “Okay. so… He hurt you.” He said and I looked to the right to confirm him.  
“Did he hurt you mentally?” I looked right and he chewed on his lower lip.  
“Did he bully you?” He asked and I looked to the left. Rape wasn’t considered bullying..was it?  
“Did he hurt you physically?” He asked after several moments of thinking pause. I looked to the right and he gasped.  
“Did he hit you?” Right. He paled more than he already was and supported himself on the armrest of my wheelchair.  
“Did he…kick you?” He asked. I looked left. A sigh of relief left his lips. If only he knew.  
“Did something else happen?” Right. Worry filled his eyes and he looked at me for any signs of what I was talking about. This was definitely harder than I thought.   
“Okay, how about I point to your body and you guide me with your eyes where to go. Blink three times fast if I point right.” He said and finally did the boy say something smart. I looked right and he pointed to my chest. I looked down and followed his hand with my eyes. He moved down my right leg and I showed him to move back up. He moved down   
my left leg and showed for him to up again. His eyes widened as he pointed to my crotch and I blinked trice.  
“He…he hurt you there?” He asked obviously in disbelief. I could only look right in return and close my eyes in shame. My friend now knew of my incestious relationship with my brother.  
Minwoo clutched his forehead and sat down on the ground next to me. “I’m so sorry Minnie. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to stop him from hitting you there. It must hurt like hell.” He said and looked up at me. I looked to the left. He got it all wrong. Things weren’t as easy as they appeared. I really needed a way to communicate properly.


	4. Chapter 4

It had been almost a month now and Minwoo was still sending daggers at my twin. It was obvious he despised him. I kind of felt bad for setting them up against each other, but then again, I felt my brother deserved it.  
I was laying in my room waiting for the others to wake up. It was a school day but I had been told I had an appointment at the hospital from the morning so I would be excused from classes for the day. So of course he should be permitted to sleep in. He was never good at that. He always laid awake hours before the rest of his family. Before his accident he could always play on his phone or something the time he waited. But not anymore. He would have to wait patiently for them to come and help him up and bring him around to everything he needed done.  
Finally someone came through my door. It was my brother. Who else would it be? He had the chore of getting me ready every morning and bring me to school, though today he just had to get me ready. I would make sure to enjoy a full day with him around for sure.  
“Morning Minnie. It’s time for your shower.” He greeted me with a smile. A smile I had grown to despise like nothing else during the past month and a half. I know it mirrored my own, but I hadn’t smiled since the accident, so yes, I despised my brother’s smile.  
I watched the scenery change around me as he lifted me out of bed and placed me on this special seating system they got for me in the shower. He turned on the water and held the faucet against the wall as he waited for the water to get warm. I don’t know why though, I couldn’t feel anything anyways. He washed me down, touched me places I didn’t want him to touch, but at least this time, he didn’t do it with sexual intentions. Today it seemed platonic. Thankfully.   
He dried me off and got me dressed before he placed me in my wheelchair and crouched down in front of me.  
“I know where you’re going today Minnie. And if you as much consider saying anything about what happened between us, I’ll cut you dick off.” He threatened. I mentally scoffed. He could go ahead. I couldn’t feel it anyways, and there wasn’t much man about sitting in a wheelchair and needing someone to help you at everything other than roll eyes and look around.  
“…And then I’ll stuff your ass with chilli.” He continued and had to focus really hard on not doing the only thing I could do: roll my eyes. Like I could feel that either.   
“Do you hear me?” I looked to the right. He frowned at me and yanked my hair back. My head followed the motion but I felt nothing. It was him who changed the rules. He should really step up his game and get a hold of his own game.

I was sitting in my chair silently looking around. There was nothing I could do. My mom was busy in the kitchen. My brother was in his room and my dad was in the garden. I was still mad at my twin. How dared he threaten me. It wouldn’t stop me though. I can’t feel pain anymore. He can do whatever he wants. It’s not like he will have much of a chance to do that if I tell someone. I wondered where I was going today. If Minnie is scared I might tell someone, I might be learning some way to communicate. That would make my life so much easier. I could finally get my brother to stop harassing me. I needed him to stop now. It was fun anymore. I didn't love him anymore. I looked at my mom cooking. She was making breakfast for all of us. Well, all of them. I didn’t eat what they were having anymore. I got food through a tube constantly. I was never full and never hungry. Just….sated.  
“Breakfast is served.” my mother called and I waited for someone to roll me over to the table. At least I could watch the others eat and communicate without me. It was quite sad to watch. They could do everything I wanted to do, and I had always been able to do it too. I guess you really don’t know what you have until you lose it. I really understood that then. I always took moving for granted. No more.  
I was rolled towards the table, but I don’t know who was behind me. I didn’t see them. They kissed the top of my head before sitting down. I stared at my brother as he moved from behind me, came into view and sat down next to me. I really didn’t like him anymore. He wasn’t the one I fell in love with. Far from it honestly. The man I fell in love with, was nothing like this. He acted so kind and sweet in front of my family. But I knew what kind of monster he was behind closed doors.   
“Sweetheart. I see you’re ready.” My mom said and looked at me, silently going over my clothes and appearance. “I just need to eat breakfast and then we’ll leave. You dad has to work and Minnie needs to go to school. So it’s just the two of us. Minwoo asked to join us and I agreed. The school knows he is coming too.” My mom told me and I could see him glare at me through the corner of my eye. He was silently threatening me again. I couldn’t care less. He was the one who did some shit. Not me. I never took it to a physical level with him. I only dreamt and fantasised about him. That couldn't be illegal. Not compared to what he offered me.

The lift ride to the fifth floor was unbearably boring. I had just gotten out of a two hour car ride with my mom and my best friend. I wasn’t all that fond of lifts. Small rooms always made me uncomfortable in some way. I wasn’t scared of it, but I surely wasn’t comfortable either.  
I saw Minwoo’s hand on my arm. He always did that when he knew I was uncomfortable. This time was no excuse even if I couldn’t feel it. It still had the same effect on me though. I think it was the main fact that he cared that mattered to me at the moment.  
The telltale ding sounded from above us and the doors slid open. My mom pushed me forward and Minwoo followed right beside me. She told the nurse in the hallway that we had arrived to an appointment 15 minutes later. We were assigned to the waiting room until a doctor came to get us. While we waited Minwoo played with my fingers and said nothing. His eyes kept darting to my body - my crotch to be exact - and I didn’t know if I should find it disturbing or flattering. I know he was worried about me and my relationship with my twin but what could I do? I couldn’t tell him what was really going on.  
“Boys; I have to go to the bathroom. I’ll be back in a couple of minutes. Please don’t go with the doctor until I’m back.” She requested and I saw Minwoo nod slowly. I watched her retreat before I looked at Minwoo. He looked back at me with a worried expression. If I had any way to, I would have asked him what was wrong but I couldnt. I only blinked occasionally.  
“Do you have any idea of what is going on?” He asked and I looked left. No. I didn’t. He took a deep breath and took both of my hands in his.  
“You’re going to be in an experiment. Some scientists found out they could do something with your nerve system and some magical shit I don’t know anything about. That way you should be able to move again. They want you to at least be able to speak within the next 6 months. It takes training.” He explained and my eyes widened just slightly. I would be able to move and talk again?! It was almost too good to be true. I’d do anything for that to happen.

My mom arrived just in time for the doctor to come and get me. She bowed politely at him and he did the same to her.  
“I’m so happy you’d let us try this on your son. This is a big step for the science to cure people with his symptoms. It’s an honour” He said and before long I was placed on a surgery table and my mom stroked my cheek gently. Minwoo stood next to me and leaned down to kiss my cheek before he smiled at me.  
“Talk to you soon.” He smiled and left the room with my mom. The doctor placed a mask over my lower face and everything went black a second later.

I heard a loud buzzing surrounding me but I had yet to open my eyes. I couldn’t open them. No matter how hard I tried. Maybe it was because my mind was fogged and unclear. Nothing made sense and I had no idea where I was what so ever.   
Last thing I remember was going to the hospital and getting a mask over my fa…oh. I figured out where I was and what had happened. It was quite interesting if I had to be honest. I waited for my mind to return to somewhat decent functioning again before I tried to open my eyes again. This time it worked better and I saw Minwoo sit in front of me. He smiled at me and I looked down to see him holding my hand lightly.   
I wanted to smile at him. I really wanted to smile at him. His smile widened and so did his eyes. I squinted my eyes at him and he came closer…like right up in my face closer.   
“You smiled. Fucking hell you smiled.” He grinned and I was if possible even more confused. I smiled? “Do it again.” He requested and I did like I wanted to smile at him again. A delighted laugh escaped him and he sat down on the bed next to me and I felt him push my legs aside. Holy hell! I felt him touch me! I looked at him with widened eyes as he laughed obviously happy on my behalf. I looked down at my legs and opened my mouth. Fucking hell I could move again. I spoke. Well tried to. No sound came out, but I could feel and move again. Definitely better than nothing.  
“Minnie you can move!” Minwoo exclaimed happily and I nodded with probably the widest grin ever. “I’ll get your mom!” He called and before I could respond he was out the door and I looked around the room. Like actually looked. I hadn’t looked like really looked where I could turn my head and stuff in a long while.  
My mom came storming in with Minwoo hot on her heels and she sat down next to me. I smiled at her and raised my arms slowly. They were weak but I managed. I could manage everything now. I was sure to show my brother. It was the first hug I had felt in what seemed to be decades. I found myself snuggle into her embrace and sighed at the comfort she gave me.  
“Oh my god Minnie! You made it!” She squealed right into my ear. I might have been able to move but I might just have needed another ear then. “I'll go get the nurse.” She added and just as quickly as she had arrived she disappeared again. I looked at my best friend who was sitting with me again on my bed. It was now I had to tell him. It was right now. “Woo,” I formed with my lips and tapped his shoulder lightly. He looked at me, his smile not faltering. “I need to talk to you about my brother.” I continued slowly with my lips without a voice. He looked at me worriedly again and I saw his eyes dart to my crotch shortly.  
“He doesn’t kick or hit me.” He explained slowly and he frowned slightly.  
“Did you lie to me?” He asked already hurt. I quickly shook my head. In return I got dizzy and I quickly stopped again. “What then?”  
“He didn’t hit me. He raped me.” I formed and he tilted his head slightly.  
“Ape? As in a monkey?” He asked me and I shook my head again.  
“Rape.”  
“Ape?” I sighed. Maybe now wasn't the best idea either. I lifted my hands from the bed and formed a ring with two fingers on one hand and brought a finger from the other hand through. The universal sign of sex. He would understand that. He paled in front of me and shook his head in disbelief.  
“He wouldn’t…" He claimed and I looked at him only to nod slowly. He cupped his own head and he looked like he was about to faint. Only then he bolted from the bed and ran to the adjacent bathroom and I heard him empty his stomach into the toilet.  
He returned and looked at me with obvious disgust.  
“He raped you?” Asked to clarify and I nodded again. Just then my mom returned with a doctor and Minwoo shied away. “We’ll talk again later.” Minwoo just said and left the room, hand already in his pocket.

I heard a loud buzzing surrounding me but I had yet to open my eyes. I couldn’t open them. No matter how hard I tried. Maybe it was because my mind was fogged and unclear. Nothing made sense and I had no idea where I was what so ever.   
Last thing I remember was going to the hospital and getting a mask over my fa…oh. I figured out where I was and what had happened. It was quite interesting if I had to be honest. I waited for my mind to return to somewhat decent functioning again before I tried to open my eyes again. This time it worked better and I saw Minwoo sit in front of me. He smiled at me and I looked down to see him holding my hand lightly.   
I wanted to smile at him. I really wanted to smile at him. His smile widened and so did his eyes. I squinted my eyes at him and he came closer…like right up in my face closer.   
“You smiled. Fucking hell you smiled.” He grinned and I was if possible even more confused. I smiled? “Do it again.” He requested and I did like I wanted to smile at him again. A delighted laugh escaped him and he sat down on the bed next to me and I felt him push my legs aside. Holy hell! I felt him touch me! I looked at him with widened eyes as he laughed obviously happy on my behalf. I looked down at my legs and opened my mouth. Fucking hell I could move again. I spoke. Well tried to. No sound came out, but I could feel and move again. Definitely better than nothing.  
“Minnie you can move!” Minwoo exclaimed happily and I nodded with probably the widest grin ever. “I’ll get your mom!” He called and before I could respond he was out the door and I looked around the room. Like actually looked. I hadn’t looked like really looked where I could turn my head and stuff in a long while.  
My mom came storming in with Minwoo hot on her heels and she sat down next to me. I smiled at her and raised my arms slowly. They were weak but I managed. I could manage everything now. I was sure to show my brother.  
It was the first hug I had felt in what seemed to be decades. I found myself snuggle into her embrace and sighed at the comfort she gave me.  
“Oh my god Minnie! You made it!” She squealed right into my ear. I might have been able to move but I might just have needed another ear then. “I'll go get the nurse.” She added and just as quickly as she had arrived she disappeared again. I looked at my best friend who was sitting with me again on my bed. It was now I had to tell him. It was right now. “Woo,” I formed with my lips and tapped his shoulder lightly. He looked at me, his smile not faltering. “I need to talk to you about my brother.” I continued slowly with my lips without a voice. He looked at me worriedly again and I saw his eyes dart to my crotch shortly.  
“He doesn’t kick or hit me.” I explained slowly when he looked back up at me. Minwoo frowned in confusion.  
“Did you lie to me?” He asked already hurt. I quickly shook my head. In return I got dizzy and I quickly stopped again. “What then?”  
“He didn’t hit me. He raped me.” I formed and he tilted his head slightly.  
“Ape? As in a monkey?” He asked me and I shook my head again.  
“Rape.”  
“Ape?” I sighed. Maybe now wasn't the best idea either. I lifted my hands from the bed and formed a ring with two fingers on one hand and brought a finger from the other hand through. The universal sign of sex. He would understand that. He paled in front of me and shook his head in disbelief.  
“He wouldn’t…" He claimed and I looked at him only to nod slowly. He cupped his own head and he looked incredibly sick. He looked like he was about to faint. Only then he bolted from the bed and ran to the adjacent bathroom and I heard him empty his stomach into the toilet.  
He returned and looked at me with obvious disgust.  
“He raped you?” Asked to clarify and I nodded again. Just then my mom returned with a doctor and Minwoo shied away. He cupped his mouth and looked at my mom with horror written across his face.. “We’ll talk again later.” Minwoo he mumbled out through his fingers before he left the room, free hand already in his pocket.

The nurse smiled at me when the door closed behind Minwoo.   
“Are you feeling alright?” She asked and I nodded before offering a smile. “Are you in pain anywhere? Your head will hurt for a while because of the surgery, but that’s only normal.” She started and I shook my head, no. “Can you speak?” She asked and I shook my head. I motioned to my throat with my hands, hoping she would understand I couldn’t find my vocal chords. “Can you try?” She requested. Furrowing my brows in concentration I opened my mouth and tried to speak. I wanted to tell my mom I love her. But only a strangled croak came out. The nurse smiled at me in a friendly manner and patted my arm. “You will be able to speak soon. It is a long time since you used your voice. Practice will make it come back again.” She said and I nodded slowly. She looked at the machines next to me and wrote down the numbers on the display before she left the room.  
“You’ll have to stay here for a couple of days for observation. A voice specialist will help you learn to use your voice again or at least tell you how to learn it before we go. And you’ll have a physiotherapist help you walk again. You’ll be fit in no time.” She promised me and leaned to kiss my forehead. I nodded in agreement. I had to be fit in no time. I smiled to myself. I should show my brother.

When my mom left that day Minwoo returned and he still looked at me with doubt.  
“Did he really do that?” He asked and I nodded slowly. “How are you feeling? Alright?” He asked me worriedly and I nodded slowly.  
“I want to show him.” I mouthed to him and he tilted his head lightly in confusion.  
“Show him?” I nodded.  
“Please don’t be disgusted with me, but I loved him. Like a lover.” I mouthed and looked at my best friend for any sort of reaction. When nothing happened I decided to continue believing I might just as well get it over with.  
“He caught me…” I flushed a deep red and motioned the movement of jerking off with my hand above the duvet. At the same time I made a pleasured face and shaped Minnie with my mouth. A choking sound was heard from Minwoo and I made a face and waited for him to settle down. “That day I fell from the tree.” I told him. “He gave the expected reaction. But it still hurt. I just wanted to sit and think.” He mouthed and felt my eyes water. Minwoo hesitated enough for me to notice it before he hugged me. He thought I was disgusting too. I swallowed thickly and waited for him to pull back.  
“I’m sorry.” I mouthed at him and he shook his head dismissing it.  
“Don’t be.” He said and took a deep breath. “This is a lot information to take in.” He said and let out a soft chuckle of disbelief. “Do you still like him?” He asked and I kept looking at him. Do I? Maybe. I hate him for what he did. But I still love him. Minwoo nodded slowly as if he understood my lack of reaction.  
“What do you want to do?” He asked me and I looked at him confused. “Do you still want him? I will help you.” Minwoo promised and I couldn’t believe my own ears. I smiled softly at him and nodded. I mouthed a thank you to him and reached out my hand for him.  
“Bring him here. I want to talk to him.” I requested and my friend nodded.  
“Do you want me to beat his ass for…you know…first?” He asked and popped his knuckles threateningly. He chuckled silently and shook my head.  
“I’ll bite his dick instead.” I said and my friend paled again and looked at me in disbelief. Biting my lower lip I looked at him apologetically.  
“Too much information?” I asked and he nodded.  
“Way too much.” He chuckled.

It had been days since I sent Minwoo out to fetch my brother but he hadn’t been to see me yet. My dad had. Our friends had. All closer family had been here too. I wasn’t going to deny it. I had a longing to see my twin. Even if he was an ass, I still wanted to see the one person in my family I had closest. I waved towards the door where my parents just disappeared through and slumped back against he pillow. I still couldn’t speak. The voice specialist had requested a thorough examination of my throat tomorrow. It’s funny how my last spoken word was my brother’s name. I sense the irony in that. The very reason I am where I am was also the last person I spoke of. I pulled the blanket up around my neck and let it rest over my shoulders lightly as I stared at the ceiling. Wasn’t he going to come? I heaved a sigh as I closed my eyes. Obviously not. Now that I could move again I wasn't defenceless anymore. He couldn’t rape me anymore and he couldn’t hit me without me feeling it either. I guessed I wasn’t worthy of his time and attention anymore. As much as it stung to admit, that was probably what was going on after all. 

A soft knock sounded on the door and I opened my eyes to look towards the source of the interruption. My eyes widened as I was looking at the mirror image of myself and I sat up. He looked troubled. Not just normally troubled. No he looked like someone about to turn himself in for plotting Holocaust along with Hitler in his previous life, kicked and drowned a puppy and lastly eaten pickles with vanilla ice cream.  
“Minnie.” He spoke timidly as he walked closer after closing the door behind him. “You wanted to see me?” He asked and I nodded before holding up a hand for him, motioning him closer to me. Warily he stepped closer and finally sat down at the edge of the bed. I cupped his cheek and made him look at me before I gave him a stern look.   
“You’re an ass.” I scolded him silently. He flinched slightly but nodded in agreement. At least he wasn’t stupid too. I let my hand lower from his cheek to his shoulder which I squeezed lightly. He looked up at me hopefully.  
“I don’t hate you.” I mouthed and he tilted his head lightly. “I don’t hate you.” I repeated.   
“But…” He started but I shook my head lightly and pressed a finger against his lips.   
“I don’t hate you. I still think you’re an ass for doing what you did, but I don’t hate you. I loved you…” I nibbled on my lower lip slightly as he looked at me expectantly. “I loved you, and I just wanted you to have asked me first. Let me be a part of it.” I said and turned my head slightly to the side as tears welled to my eyes. “You took my first and I didn't even know it happened. I didn't even feel my first time.” I continued as I looked up him, letting him see how much it had actually hurt me. My hand dropped from his shoulder and I folded my fingers in my lap silently as I looked down. I had nothing more to say really. He seemed to be aware of everything else that was wrong about it.  
“Do you still…love me?” Came his voice weak and almost inaudibly. I nodded. “Even after everything?” He questioned doubtfully and I nodded again. “As a brother?” He asked and I nodded. I studied his expression and he looked defeated as he looked into his lap. I watched him gulp visibly and I knew I couldn’t speak until he looked at me. I heard a sniffle and my heart hurt. He was crying. It didn’t take long before his shoulders shook lightly despite his obvious attempts to stay still. I reached out again, placing my palm on his cheek and stroked his cheekbone softly with the pad of my thumb. His cheek was wet but his skin incredibly soft. I scooted forward carefully until I leaned against his side carefully. I placed my hand on the other side of his face and forced him to look at me. He looked at his eyes, screwed shut with pain of rejection. I took a nervous breath and leaned in. I pressed my lips against his trembling ones. I watched as his eyes widened with surprise upon impact and I smiled lightly against his lips. I pulled back when I felt him respond and smiled.  
“I love you as a brother too.” I mouthed to him and he let out a tearful chuckle as he reached up to wipe his tears.  
“You love me as a lover too?" He asked to clarify and I nodded still smiling at him.  
He hugged me and pressed his lips against mine. I didn't need a fraction of a second to kiss him back. He pecked me repeatedly for several long minutes with just sweet and loving kisses. I smiled between each of the pecks and wrapped my arm around his shoulders to the best of my abilities and he made sure to keep me from falling. I heard the rhythmical beeping of the machines I was attached to speed up as he shifted slightly and laid me back down on my back as he hovered above me. I didn’t let go of his neck and only pulled him closer. He flicked his tongue over my lower lip and I parted my lips for him willingly and let my tongue come out to play with his. They tangled in a sweet dance in the middle as he strained himself on his hands not to crush me. I kept kissing him happily and ignored the way his body was shaking with the strain. I wouldn't mind if he laid on me.   
He shifted some more so he was keeping most of his weight on his knees and on my waist and broke the kiss. He trailed his lips down my jaw and neck. He sucked small faint red marks on the sensitive skin and lapped at it with his tongue. He was careful not to mark as I would have a lot of answers to answer the day after if he wasn’t careful. He trailed down the junction of my neck and shoulder before he travelled out along my shoulder. He pulled the hospital gown aside and I felt my entire body tense in anticipation. He reached behind my neck and untied the gown before he sat back on his heels to take it off. I shivered as the chill temperature of the room blanketed me. My brother got up from the bed and made a quick stride to the door and clicked the lock over before he turned back around and looked at me. A smile found its way to his lips and he started to strip himself down on his way back. When he climbed back onto the bed again we were both completely naked. I flushed with the realisation but couldn’t help an excited shiver tingle up my spine. He kissed me again and I kissed him back as my arms tangled around him again and my fingers found purchase in his hair.  
He slowly began to roll his hips against mine and the sensation had my breath hitch. I needed more of that feeling but he wouldn’t have it. He raised his hips and crawled down my legs, his lips following his movements over my skin as they neared my belly button.  
“We don’t have any lube.” He reminded me and I frowned slightly. I wasn't going to stop my first real time because of the lack of lube in a hospital. That's when I remembered the gel the nurses used when they measured temperatures. They haven't used it on me, but I knew it was standard equipment as I had seen it plenty of times.  
“Drawer.” I mouthed and looked towards the mobile table with a few drawers and a cabinet. My twin reached out and pulled the drawer open and produced the said bottle with success.   
“Are you sure you want this?” He asked worriedly and I nodded. If he stopped now I would castrate him and feed his dick to the dogs. Thankfully he didn’t and his dick would stay attached a little longer. The lid popped open and he dipped his fingers into the slick substance before he made sure all fingers were thoroughly covered. When he pulled his fingers back out of the jar I couldn’t help but watch fascinated how the slick substance dribbled into back into the jaw and left his fingers glistening with lubricants. Subconsciously I found myself spreading my legs and exposing myself to my brother. He bit into his lower lip, obviously more affected this time than when I woke up to find him fucking into me. I closed my eyes momentarily to clear my mind. It wasn't the time to think about that. My brother leaned down over me and claimed my lips in a gentle kiss that I instantly returned. I took in a sharp breath as he rubbed a finger around my entrance and carefully eased the first knuckle into me. I hadn't felt anyone else than my own fingers there despite I wasn’t virgin anymore. My twin carefully slid his tongue along mine and played with it successfully distracting me from the weird and strange feeling. With the careful kisses and even more careful stretching we slowly went forward. Carefully he lowered himself onto me so our naked sexes rubbed against each other, the friction made me moan softly and move the little I could in my weak state. I could feel him smile against my lips and he was satisfied with my attempt - weak but at least an attempt. Another finger entered me and I stilled my movements as I adjusted to the added stretch. It felt weird but I could also feel the underlying pleasure.  
“Minnie~” He moaned breathlessly as our kiss broke. We both needed oxygen and to leave room for that, my brother started to kiss down my chest. It left a fluttering in my body and a burning trail on my skin. It didn't take long before I was gasping for air and squirming slightly under his ministrations. I was buzzing with anticipation and my twin was taking his sweet time to stretch me. It took something close to forever before he pushed another finger inside me. He was three fingers in and knuckle deep and it felt amazing. Or so I believed. He curled his fingers slightly and once of his nails scraped against a spot inside me that sent me almost screaming in pleasure as I saw white and then all the colors of the rainbow before my eyes.   
“Again!” I demanded wordlessly and clutched onto the bedsheets for something to keep me grounded. The pleasure was almost too much. With a constant pressure to my prostate I almost edged over into the abyss of pleasure but thankfully he stopped. He pulled his fingers out of me and I whined as I clenched around nothing. I needed to feel him inside me again. I was nothing short of desperate for him and I know he knew. I watched as his tongue darted out to lick his lips as he looked down at my clenching hole. I would have been dying with embarrassment if it wasn’t for the consuming desire and arousal. I looked up at him with hooded gaze and then back down at his middle. I saw him stroke himself into full hardness with a slick hand, lubing up himself generously. I took a shaking breath as he lined up with me and I had to fight not to close my eyes as he slowly pressed forward. His head was bigger than I had first thought and it burned slightly as he pushed into me to breach my entrance.  
I bit into my lower lip as he pushed deeper into me and I felt my insides stretch to accommodate to his size. It wasn’t exactly pleasant, but I figured it would be once I wasn’t so tight anymore. Finally his hips pressed against my backside and he had bottomed out. I took several deep but shaky breaths as I adjusted to his length and girth. My twin was panting heavily above me and I knew he was straining himself not to thrust into me before I was ready. I raised my weak arms to wrap around his neck and waited as I slowly stopped clenching around him and relaxed completely. It took forever before I gave a weak nod to him and he instantly started to roll his hips slowly. My breath hitched and he peppered my face in loving kisses as he tried to distract me. Slowly he started to pick up the speed of his thrusts as I was finally relaxed enough. It still hurt me but it was bearable. I guided him towards my lips and he finally kissed me. It was sloppy and barely connected, but I wouldn’t change it for a thing. It was sloppy and messy, much like our starting relationship. I felt a hand on my thigh and he lifted my leg, I would have helped him hold it but I was simply too weak. It didn’t matter though. With the new position he pressed the tip of his cock against my prostate and I keened loudly from the pleasure, letting out a small hiccup too.   
“M-more.” I mouthed through a gasp and he didn’t take a second to oblige. He thrusted into me anew, his length constantly pressing against my prostate with each thrust. I was moaning loudly with each thrust and it was only a question about time before a nurse or doctor would hear me. My brother was panting heavily above me, sweat-matted hair clinging to his forehead. I brought my hands from his neck to his face and caught a few rolling beads with my thumb. He bit his lips and looked at me lovingly. I smiled my way through a moan and had to close my eyes again from pleasure. I enjoyed the feeling of him against me, on me, in me, everywhere. Just knowing I could feel him made me happy. Sated even.  
A deep moan left my lips and I needed just a little more. I was crazy. I was hanging on the very edge of release but it just wasn’t enough. I let go of his head and wrapped a hand around my pulsating dick, wanting to stroke it. I was too weak for that though. With a choked sob of frustrating pleasure I tried to stroke myself to release but it wasn’t enough.  
I sought his eyes desperately. I looked up at my brother trying to catch his attention. He quickly caught on and strained his weight on one hand. It was crazy. It didn’t feel right to ask that from him but he did. With careful thrusts into me he pumped my length in time with them. The pleasure was overwhelming and I trashed a bit until he leaned down.  
“Cum for me.” He whispered and I arched my back violently with a cry of his name.   
Too far gone in my first release I could feel in months I didn’t notice he came into my ass with a loud moan of my own name until he had collapsed on top of me, panting heavily. Unable to say anything I just stayed still trying to catch my breath. I panted harder than him. Like it was me who did all the work. We stayed still for several minutes as only our breathing filled the room with any sound. When he rolled off and pulled out I had never felt more amazing. It was much better than my wildest fantasy. He pulled me closer and covered us with the hospital cover and I sighed heavily as I wrapped a bony arm around him.  
“I love you.” I mumbled against his chest and I felt his breath hitch under my head. Surprised I looked up at him. I Those were the first words I had spoken in a long while. I wouldn't ever say any other words. These were perfect. He took a deep breath before he replied:  
“I love you too Youngmin."


End file.
